Talking to Yourself

I found myself sitting on the couch with my partner, trying to tackle a problem together. I reassured them that what they were feeling and going through was genuine and legitimate. However, my partner expressed their worry and concern about the possibility of things going wrong. They feared getting hurt, feeling betrayed, or being overwhelmed to the point of being unable to cope. I acknowledged that it might seem like the problem would never end. Nevertheless, I stressed that we could overcome it together. In that moment, a realization dawned on me; I would do everything in my power to protect my partner and make sure they felt safe, secure, and heard. This experience highlighted the importance of trust and support in relationships. By supporting and protecting one another, we can navigate difficult situations and emerge stronger on the other side.

Let's remove the assumption that I was conversing with someone else. In reality, I was communicating with a particular aspect of myself that was anxious about the future and fearful of the unknown outcome of an uncontrollable situation. As a result of this apprehension, this part of me became more pronounced and conveyed its emotions to me. By acknowledging this inner voice and listening to its concerns, I was able to gain a better understanding of my own thoughts and feelings. This process of self-reflection allowed me to become more in tune with my innermost self and gave me the ability to address any underlying issues. Ultimately, having open and honest conversations with oneself can be an effective tool for personal growth and self-improvement.

When we experience strong emotions like anxiety, depression, or anger, our instinct is to reject or ignore them. However, these emotions are not just emotions, they are parts of us that are experiencing these emotions. Ignoring these parts can make them more prominent because they are seeking acknowledgement and understanding.

As we go through life, different situations can activate these parts. These parts once helped us cope, but now they may feel like the issue. This is because they carry unresolved memories that can interfere with our ability to cope. When there are too many unresolved memories, our previous coping mechanisms may become ineffective. Along with these memories, when we face additional stressors in life, we may find ourselves stuck in a crisis.

These parts of us are usually not bad, though. They were formed to help us deal with difficult situations and protect us from harm. The problem arises when they start interfering with our current life more often. The good news is that we can learn to work with these parts and even integrate them into a more cohesive sense of self.

By acknowledging these parts and the memories they carry, we can work to heal and process with them. This can allow us to create new ways of coping that are more effective in our current situations. In turn, we can start to feel more in control and better able to manage the challenges that come our way.

It is important to realize that certain habits, like mindfulness and relaxation techniques, can help reduce the intense activation of parts, but these parts will always exist. Mindfulness is a helpful practice that we should incorporate more into our daily lives. However, to achieve contentment more consistently, we must take the time to understand and ally ourselves with these parts instead of seeing them as adversaries.

Do you know what parts of yourself you have? If so, do you listen to them? If you are not familiar with these parts, I suggest reading the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz to develop your ability to identify these parts. By doing so, you can learn to work with them rather than against them, which can lead to greater harmony and well-being.
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For now, it may be helpful to just begin to listen when these parts or states are activated. Begin to listen, ask questions, and wait for an answer. This will begin to help you understand all the facets of who you are. I would also recommend, that you call us at Restore Therapy Collective and connect with a one of our therapists to assist you in this process. You are dealing with so much and sometimes leaning on someone who can help you understand yourself more is a great option. You are worth the time you spend in therapy and deserve to find the life you want.